On Speaking Terms

Self Confidence, Self Talk

What are you saying to yourself everyday and night?  Are you tracking it, and if so, is it what you want to be saying?  Would you speak that way to a three year old child trying her best?

Many of us have a negative tone to our inner monologues.  Sometimes people voice them out loud and give a clue to their private thinking...saying things like "Oh, I am so stupid, why did I do that?" or "I'm sorry" or "I'll never be able to do this."  We tend to hear more negative blurting than positive.  If you want to look and sound good on the outside, you have to pay close attention to the inside. 

Lately I'm hearing from people who are wanting confidence and agonizing over the lack.  Well, there's a good way to turn that around, and it starts with how you talk to yourself.  Instead of "I've never felt sure of myself" try "From this moment on, I give myself 110 % support, no matter what!" and "I can do this and do it well" or "soar!"

So many words for ideas and goals, so align them carefully with what you want.  Catch yourself in the act of thinking ill of yourself and snap that thought right around into a compliment to yourself.  Don't live without examining your thoughts and beliefs.  Use yourself to help yourself.

When Your Meeting Runs Long & You Have to Be Short

A client just phoned to give me his feedback on a morning call he spoke on.  His turn to report came at the  end of an already long call.  He felt the restlessness over the lines...everyone was pressed for time.  We'd prepared him well, so he was able to get through it but I could hear the disappointment in his voice. 

All of that work seemed not to have paid off.  His colleagues had to get back to their days and they'd run out of time.  What to do?

If this happens to you, the best thing is to first slow down your breathing.  Resist the impulse to fidget and focus instead on getting your breathing under control.  The rest of the body has to follow the breath.  Then focus on your message, and what you feel they absolutely must know before hanging up.

You can acknowledge the lateness of the hour, but don't give into it by rushing your speaking or chopping ideas away from the message.  It's like trying to fit a pint and a half into a pint jar.  

Keep your voice to a slightly slower than usual pace, to send the message that you're in control and what you have to say matters.  Then take a moment to breath, set your intention, and re-adjust the points that you want to make. 

You have the power to turn a thankless situation into one to your advantage, and people will notice you for it.

Insecurities & Toxins

I've just heard from a good friend, who is very concerned about a colleague in the pharmaceutical industry.  Colleague is plagued with self-doubts, afraid to speak up for herself, for fear of being fired.  My heart goes out to her.

Finding yourself unable to speak freely in business is the worst.  Why bother, if you can't be the person you were hired to be in the first place?  Yet many people suffer with feeling inadequate or un-entitled to their freedom of speech.  Ironically, they're often the smartest and most industrious in the room.  What's going on?

The answer is pretty simple: they don't know how to communicate effectively.  Most likely, they were never taught in the first place.  The small percentage who do get coached usually get it in too small a dose and long ago.  That won't be of any use now.

If a smart person isn't able to share their ideas, it's a lose/lose game.  I'd like to see more companies nurturing their employees by giving them decent & effective coaching & support for anyone who's required to speak or write for that company.  You have to equip your team!

Time & Working With(in) It

"Time waits for no man" is a proverb that's making itself fresh in my mind. 

As I coach my clients, write my book and learn new things all the time about being a successful entrepreneur, I see that there's an art to using time well.  Those who master it can thrive.  Those who struggle with it can end up being mercilessly used by it.  

There's a young woman in my neighborhood who presents a good example of being used by time.  We've never met, but I always know when it's 8:17 am because of her.  That's the minute that she runs by the house, all dressed up for the office, including high heels.  She's done her hair, makeup and styling with obvious care and is charging towards the bus stop as if her life depended on it.  It's not easy to run in skirts and high heels, and yet she does it every morning at the same time.  It could so easily be otherwise.

If I'm working with a new client, I need to make sure that they give themselves enough time to prepare well.  That will differ for each person, but the point is to let people learn without being rushed.  Expect to invest time in yourself, as you learn the craft of  being interesting and articulate. 

You'll get one of the best ROI's possible.

Big Boosts: Get Rid of Clutter to Get More from Your Work Space

One of the most important spaces in anyone's  life is the work space, and when I can I like to spend some time with clients in their offices or studios or wherever they work.  It lets me see and feel if the space is supporting them in their efforts to communicate clearly and cleanly, or if it's working against them because of being disorganized and cluttered.

Yesterday after a session with a financial analyst reviewing a project he's working on, we tackled the stacks of files, papers, books and sports equipment in his office.  He was ready to do a major ditch and cleanse. 

First he got rid of everything that he could make a quick decision on, which got the process off to a good start.  There's nothing like throwing old things away to get the energy moving around again.  The things which will take more time and thought were sorted and then put away.

We tossed things no longer meaningful to him; conference photos, bric-a-brac from his prior office that he no longer noticed, office supplies that he wasn't using etc.  We put things away that had been sitting out.  It  made such a difference and with two of us, took an hour.  Time well spent, and necessary at that.  I can give him the best advice (and I do)  but if his workspace causes him to get fuzzy or tired, that advice won't do much good.

See what you can do to free up some energy and space in your office.  It's an on-going task, but the more you do it the better you get at it.  You will reap considerable rewards.